This blog discusses the importance in self-care as a practice of tuning into your needs and supporting yourself versus seeing the time you take for yourself as selfish. I can’t wait to dig into this topic.
Last week, I wanted to write this blog with this title. But then I had technical difficulties with Zoom while teaching and felt called to write about The Power of Adaptation. Ironically this past Friday, my sister and I had a Zoom call in which she let me know that she was feeling overwhelmed riding the “Corona Coaster” (thank you to my student, Maggie for that catchy name), caregiving for our mom who has dementia, and teaching journalism virtually to middle school aged children. She had recently taken a training with mental health professionals as part of her job and her big take away piece was “Self-Care is not Selfish!” (yes, that’s her in this picture) When she told me this, I said, “That’s exactly what I was going to write about this week.” Wow!! Coincidence…I think not!
Self-care is not simply the routine habits we have such as brushing our teeth, making health appointments, etc. Self-care asks for deep listening to what you need to feel balanced versus overwhelmed. This modern “idea” is really not new at all…it is ancient technology. Yoga and meditation teach us to go inward and learn the art of stillness and quiet. It takes the qualities of stillness and quiet to begin to deeply listen to the heart’s requests and connect to Atman Shakti (the power of the true self). This concept can be quite foreign to people in the Western culture with societal messaging of “Go, Go, Go!” and “Fake it until you make it!” What about this one…”No pain, no gain!”? Who has the T-shirt? Come on! Lol! Yes, my friends messaging is all around us to be more, do more, and be great at everything we do. Really?? I am tired just writing that. It provokes a feeling of pushing versus allowing and ease. Caregivers of families can be especially good at putting themselves last on their “to do” list finding themselves completely worn out over time. As an Austin Yoga Therapist, I have worked with many women and some men who are ready to move away from feeling that self-care is selfish and ready to step into the power of self-care.
Can we think of self-care as self-compassion even? I like this idea. According to Dr. Kristen Neff self-compassion is highly related to mental health well-being and she says the research backs this up. Here’s a great link to a YouTube video with Dr. Neff explaining self-compassion versus self-esteem. https://self-compassion.org/ My take away from this outstanding lecture was that the way we talk to ourselves matters. They way we take time for ourselves…matters. She explains that self-compassion offers all of the benefits of self-esteem without the pitfalls. Please take the 19 plus minutes to watch the video. Truly a great lecture!
When I create activities in my life that deeply nourish me, I am engaged in self-care. And that self-care is informed by self-compassion. When I go to my yoga mat, I am involved in an extraordinary process of integrating self-care, self-compassion and self-regulation by connecting through the linking of my attention, breath, and movement. Beautiful process, indeed! I am by no means perfect. Guess what? I definitely make my fair share of “mistakes”. What matters is how I embrace myself with compassion and self-care in the tough times giving myself what I give so freely to others. This understanding is by no means…selfish!
Next week, I will move into the topic of self-care in relation to building resiliency, vitality, and strength. Stay tuned! And please… be kind to yourself.